


Put Your Trousers On

by Shiny_the_Strange



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Humor, M/M, Modern AU, Pre-localisation, shitpost, why is all my ryomarx weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiny_the_Strange/pseuds/Shiny_the_Strange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryoma was never quite sure if Xander knew his name. He himself was unsure if ‘Xander’ was actually this man’s name; his only clue was the word neatly stitched onto the side of his mailbag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put Your Trousers On

**Author's Note:**

> Directly inspired by [this Tumblr post.](http://shiny-the-strange.tumblr.com/post/125976554455/beautifulfic-beautifulfic-the-other-day-i) I don't know why it inspired me, but have my 5am shitpost.
> 
> Also available on [ff.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724897/1/Put-Your-Trousers-On) and [Tumblr](http://shiny-the-strange-writes.tumblr.com/post/137008037162/put-your-trousers-on).
> 
> EDIT @ 19/02/2016: With today's release of Fates, I want to let new readers know that this is a work completed before the game's localization. Though I took care to write the main protagonists' characterizations as accurately I could with the translated information (primarily supports), remember that the characterization and general syntax of each character may have shifted slightly with the localised release and may not entirely match with what I intended to write.

Several knocks sounded on the door.

 _Ah, that’s probably the mailman— no, Xander_ , thought Ryoma. He rolled off the couch and stretched. He’d expected a package to arrive at any moment. Wandering over to the door, Ryoma was greeted by a familiar man.

“Good morning, sir.”

 _Sir_. Ryoma was never quite sure if Xander knew his name. He himself was unsure if ‘Xander’ was actually this man’s name; his only clue was the word neatly stitched onto the side of his mailbag.

“A good morning to you too,” said Ryoma.

“I have a package for you,” said Xander. He held a small box out.

“Thank you.” Taking the package from Xander, Ryoma looked into his eyes. Those striking, dark eyes had captivated Ryoma shortly after first meeting him. He found himself wanting to look into them often, even if it always made his cheeks hot. His heart quickened, his stomach fluttered. He couldn’t figure out why, but Xander’s eyes held an air of responsibility; yet, he also felt they concealed an unusual type of immaturity. Perhaps it was because of the way he looked back at Ryoma with a slight twinkle in his eyes, or, perhaps—

“You need to sign here,” said Xander, holding a piece of paper and a pen out. His face was slightly pink.

“Ah, yes. Right.” Ryoma placed his package on the floor, then took the objects and began to sign.

“Ugh…morning,” came a voice from upstairs. Takumi slowly thumped down the stairs, wearing nothing but a pair of batman boxers and a t-shirt with Waluigi holding a basketball on it.

Noticing him from the side of his eye, Ryoma scowled.

“You need to put some trousers on.”

Takumi groaned and walked back up the stairs.

Finishing his signing, Ryoma held the paper out. “Here you go—”

Xander’s eyes bulged. He slowly looked down at his own pants, then back at Ryoma. His cheeks were scarlet.

“Er…”

“…You’ll have to forgive me. I was speaking to my brother,” said Ryoma. He pointed towards the stairs. “My staircase is not in your line of view, it seems.”

“I-I see,” said Xander. He nodded and looked to his feet. “Pardon me. I thought I’d put my pants on earlier today, but after you said that…well, I wasn’t entirely certain.”

Ryoma chuckled.

“You’ve got them on, there’s no sense in worrying about it.” He held the paper and pen out again. “My name is Ryoma, by the way.”

“…Somehow, I find that fitting.” He took the paper and pen from Ryoma. “I’m Xander.”

 _A lovely name_ , Ryoma didn’t say. Thank goodness he was right about the name. “Well, Xander, I appreciate the package. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“Thank you.” Xander nodded, then walked away.

Ryoma shut the door and sighed.

“Uh, were you finally flirting with him?”

Jumping back, Ryoma turned to the stairs. Takumi stood with a smirk on his face, trousers around his legs.

“I’ll bet you wish you could take his trousers _off_ ,” said Takumi. “And I’ll bet the package you _really_ wanted was between his—”

“Enough,” said Ryoma.

Takumi shrugged.

“Whatever. You can’t deny your feelings forever.” He went into the kitchen.

Ryoma’s mind briefly jumped to Dick in a Box before shoving it back into the back of his mind. Just what kind of mental image was that? Xander greeting him at the door, giving a seductive smirk, holding a box over his…package. Ryoma slowly opening the box, staring at Xander’s vibrant, erect—

“No,” said Ryoma.

~~~~~

“Is your boyfriend bringing you another package today?” asked Takumi.

Ryoma clenched his fist around his phone. For the past two years Takumi had asked the same question every fucking time Xander came to deliver a package.

“For the last time, he’s not my boyfriend. And come downstairs, I don’t want to talk on the phone while you’re less than fifty feet away from me.”

“Fine, I’ll come down in a few minutes.” A clicking sound came from the other end.

A knock sounded.

“Just in time.” Ryoma opened the door and grinned. “Good afternoon, Xander.”

“Good afternoon, Ryoma,” said Xander. He held a box out, along with the paper and pen. “You know why I’m here.”

“That I do.” Ryoma accepted the package and began to sign. He looked at Xander’s mailbag momentarily. “You know, that bag looks nothing like what the other mailmen use. It looks like it was hand-crafted, with your name stitched on and all that. Did your wife make it for you?”

“…All these years, and you’ve never asked?” Xander chuckled and shook his head. “How interesting. Well, to answer your question, the answer is no. I’m not married, and I’ve never intended to be. My sister made the bag for me.”

Ryoma felt his heart sink. At the same time, he was grateful that the bag was made by Xander’s sister and not an ex-lover.

“Never intending to marry, is it…? I suppose that’s your decision. I shouldn’t have assumed. Sorry I asked, I didn’t mean to pry…”

“It’s no trouble,” said Xander. A blush crept upon his face. He reached into his pocket and slowly pulled out a sheet of paper. He held it out to Ryoma. “I...have no interest in women, that’s all. In fact, I’m…rather pleased that you are curious about me. I-If you would like to inquire further, you can reach me at this number. Perhaps we could chat o-over a cup of coffee—”

“O-Of course,” blurted Ryoma. He knew his face was likely as red as a lobster. “I’m interested. I’ll give you a call sometime this weekend.”

A look of relief washed over Xander’s face.

“I see. I-I look forward to your call. Goodbye.” And with that, Xander turned to leave.

“Talk to you later, then,” said Ryoma. He shut the door.

Taking a deep breath, Ryoma wandered over to the couch and fell on it. Two years later, and he’d finally worked up the urge to ask Xander if he was married. And Xander immediately asking him afterwards to go for coffee…wait, was he just as interested in Ryoma as Ryoma was into Xander? He’d assumed that Xander was naturally somewhat sheepish. Not once had he considered that Xander was interested. Had he known earlier, Ryoma would’ve been happy to make the first move and ask him to—

“Hah! I told you so!” Takumi raced down the stairs and pointed at Ryoma. He wore a pair of Super Mario Bros. boxers and a t-shirt with Chrom’s face on it. “I heard everything!”

“…Put your trousers on,” said Ryoma. He smiled.


End file.
